Episode 19: Monogamous Friends Just Don’t Understand
It can be hard to be polyamorous and not have friends who understand the lifestyle. It’s exhausting to have to constantly explain and justify your feelings and way of loving. So, it’s important to have friends who do get it. Even if they are monogamous.
In this episode we discuss:
Most of our friends are monogamous and think what we are doing is weird. But they are still friends with us.
What it’s like to have friends that don’t want to know anything about our other relationships now that we are polyamorous. It’s hard because relationships are a HUGE part of our lives, so it feels like there’s this whole side of ourselves we have to keep private.
Mike is more understanding about his friends not wanting to hear about his other relationships, but for me, it makes me feel like they don’t care enough about me as a friend to want to know more about me and my beliefs.
Mike disagrees with me. He thinks that it’s a matter of interest. Some people are naturally more curious. But some friends aren’t intrigued by it, so they don’t ask about it.
It’s difficult to always have to explain ourselves, repeat ourselves, and explain ourselves over and over again.
I talk about the difference between friends asking questions because they are genuinely curious, and friends asking questions because they are being judgmental.
Mike talks about the wide range of responses that friends have when first finding out that we are polyamorous, and how their different responses are a reflection of their own personal beliefs. It can reveal more about someone’s belief systems and how they truly feel about someone who goes against their beliefs and social norms.
We do have friends that are super curious, listen to the podcast, and ask questions because they are genuinely curious. There’s no judgement behind their questions, and they are seeking to understand us.
Do all friends need to care about every aspect of our lives? Do we have to be all in or all out when it comes to friendships? It’s a quality vs. quantity kind of issue.
Mike compares us to cats and dogs, and it’s hilariously accurate!
So, where do we find those friends that totally understand what it means to be polyamorous, or at least want to try and understand? Well, you can find them in our budding community, The PAC!
If you’re polyamorous, ethically non-monogamous, or curious about polyamory and wondering if it’s right for you, then join our community! This is a safe space FOR YOU to meet other like-minded people who totally get this part of your life. A place where you don’t have to explain yourself. A place where you are accepted for exactly who you are.
